虽然，如果问，大多数参与者将描述的嫁妆为“自由给予”事实上幕后“明确的讨价还价”发生（夏尔马，1984：64）。在一个社会急剧分化，不仅由性别，但也由年龄和种姓，控制什么是给定的，一旦收到这些礼物的发生是沿着性别和年龄线划分。在家庭中的高级妇女负责'看到的义务得到满足和适当的关系保持'（夏尔马，1984：65），但当礼物是现金，那么它是在控制的高级男人（夏尔马，1984：66）。通过创建关系嫁妆为授权的新娘有严重的后果：“[ D ] owry偏爱和青睐的文化氛围中，新娘可以被看作是对象被传递到另一个从一个社会集团，此外，在印度的迅速膨胀导致了嫁妆[…]在这种情况下，新娘更受比控制器的属性”（夏尔马，1984：73）。最后，“嫁妆死亡”可能发生时，新郎的家庭是失望的嫁妆，并希望谈判一个更好的一个第二次婚姻（夏尔马，1984：71）。然而，她无能为力是抹去的，她将被'嫁妆者对她儿子的婚姻（夏尔马，1984：72）。因此，我们可以看到，在礼物交换持久的关系是建立和这些关系是根据年龄和性别差异。
Although, if asked, most participants would describe the dowry as ‘freely given’ in fact behind the scenes ‘explicit bargaining’ takes place (Sharma, 1984: 64). In a society sharply divided, not only by gender but also by age and caste, control over what is given and what happens to these gifts once received is subject to division along lines of gender and age. Senior women in the household are responsible for ‘seeing that obligations are met and proper relations maintained’ (Sharma, 1984: 65), but when the gifts are of cash, then it is the senior men who are most in control (Sharma, 1984: 66). The ties created by the dowry may have severe consequences for the dis-empowered bride: ‘[d]owry favours and is favoured by a cultural ethos in which brides can be viewed as objects to be passed from one social group to another’, further, ‘in India the rapid inflation of dowries […] has led to a situation in which brides are more controlled by than controllers of property’ (Sharma, 1984: 73). Finally, ‘dowry deaths’ may occur when the grooms’ family is disappointed with her dowry and hope to negotiate a better one for a second marriage (Sharma, 1984: 71). However, her powerlessness is erased by time, as she moves to being a ‘dowry-taker’ on the marriage of her sons (Sharma, 1984: 72). Thus, we can see that in the gift exchange lasting relationships are created and that these relations are differentiated according to age and gender.